girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
