you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
