Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
