i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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