Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize