His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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