Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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