and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
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I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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