I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
