This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
