i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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