he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
