omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
