In the future we'll all be gay
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
