Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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