We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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