Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
