based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
