What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
