please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
