So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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