I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
