Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
