IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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