I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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