So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
