i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
