and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
