Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
