you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
