some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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