My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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