Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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