i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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