okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
