I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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