i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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