ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
