even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
