I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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