Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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