if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
