I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
