Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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