Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
