HIV tests are more positive than that guy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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