Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
