My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
