My hair reeks of homosexuality.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
