Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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