if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
