I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
