don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
