It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
