Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
