Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
