i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
