Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
