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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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