He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
