i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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