Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
