ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
