I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
