AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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