dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize