why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Sext me about skeletons
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
