I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
