I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
